Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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