He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize