question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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