Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
