If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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