he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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