see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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