I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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