i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
