What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
