Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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