Cold hands, warm shart.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
