I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
