You're my little dorito
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He? As in you personified your dick?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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