turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drunk is not a location!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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