we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
