marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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