I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
