I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
