lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
