He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
