the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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