Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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