Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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