I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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