Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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