They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
