i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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