I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
