Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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