Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
