Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish i was in the wii world.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
