i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
