Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
