I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cannot find my penis.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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