I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
