I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
