Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
