Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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