I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
