cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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