i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize