My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
