At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
