i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love