i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
