why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
