i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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