you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
