just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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