Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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