Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
