Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
