WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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