Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
