last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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