eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
