walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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