So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
