so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
